What We Think is What We Do

Recently, I enjoyed a rich experience of gathering with parents in my school community to reflect together on the role of temperament in our parenting.  It was a lovely opportunity to accept pieces of who we are and how we are and to use an awareness of that to feel empowered to choose what is most suitable for ourselves and our children.

This empowerment seems to flow out of a clearer sense of self-determination.  Self-determination differentiates between autonomous regulation and controlled regulation. Making decisions represents one instance of self-regulation and the perennial dance between autonomous choice and controlled choice.

It is our own thoughts that guide our daily lives. What we think is what we do.  For me, this entails pursuing enlightened self-interest en lieu of myopic self-interest.  There is a strong incentive value in our parenting relationship that strongly motivates our willingness to make sacrifices. What others think – and the unavoidable advice they will offer – will not and should not matter.  It is with this clarity that we gain perspective about and some distance from external pressures and expectations.  It is also with this clarity that we may finally be able to slough off feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and generally “not measuring up.”

As an administrator who makes significant decisions a lot, I see how schools and communities can fall into asking for sacrifices from teachers and staff without recognizing that the strength of relationship is not such that it will motivate sacrifice, even if it is in honor of the greater good.  It would seem that in parenting or in community understanding, temperament and the demands of ego in choice is meaningful.  It informs how we nurture constructive growth and how we feed hope, truth and compassion.

The Parable of the Two Wolves

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life...

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.

"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,

"Which wolf will win?"

The old chief simply replied,

"The one you feed."

The Neutral Zone

"Change can come at any time, but transition comes along when one chapter of your life is over and another is waiting in the wings to make its entrance.”  William Bridges

Transition is the way we reconcile with change.  Without transition change is empty, mechanical and most important superficial – not meaningful. Transition is a three-way process of letting go … taking hold again and the place in-between:  the neutral zone.  It is a time of natural confusion but potentially a time of great creativity.

Truly living transitions can deepen a person's or school’s relationship both to the self and to the personal history that has created that self or organization.  The invitation is to open the self/organization to the possibilities that come with change.  It's a good time to reflect on the meaning of community and community transitions – an opportunity to achieve a new understanding of everything that has gone before, and what it means moving forward.

No matter how solid and comfortable and necessary the status quo feels to us, it is good to recollect that once upon a time it was also new, untried and uncomfortable.  And while change can happen quickly and be unbidden, transition takes time.  It’s an organic process that has its own natural pace. If change is all about where we are going, then transition is about how we will get there and how we will navigate and manage our journey, about who we will become, and about which approach we will embrace.

The North Wind and the Sun

The North Wind boasted of great strength. The Sun argued that there was great power in gentleness.

"We shall have a contest," said the Sun.

Far below, a man traveled a winding road. He was wearing a warm winter coat.

"As a test of strength," said the Sun, "Let us see which of us can take the coat off of that man."

"It will be quite simple for me to force him to remove his coat," bragged the Wind.

The Wind blew so hard, the birds clung to the trees. The world was filled with dust and leaves. But the harder the wind blew down the road, the tighter the shivering man clung to his coat.

Then, the Sun came out from behind a cloud. Sun warmed the air and the frosty ground. The man on the road unbuttoned his coat.

The sun grew slowly brighter and brighter.

Soon the man felt so hot, he took off his coat and sat down in a shady spot.

"How did you do that?" said the Wind.

"It was easy," said the Sun, "I lit the day. Through gentleness I got my way."

Diversity,naturally

The Montessori philosophy’s natural commitment to diversity permeates all aspects of an effective Montessori program. A diverse school community contributes positively to the education of students. When learners are challenged through exposure to a wide range of viewpoints, they learn to analyze assumptions, question the status quo, and creatively generate responses to even the most difficult challenges.  Including students from different countries and cultures, a Montessori program encourages families to share their histories and traditions - diversity evolves out of these fundamental values and appreciations.

The uniqueness of a school is perpetuated in its many stories, each of which generates an emotional connection for a child and his or her family in relationship with faculty and thereby the school itself. These emotional connections ultimately support a school’s thrival.  The whole school community holds the identity of the learning community in concentric circles of trust.  The central circle of trust encompasses the teacher and student.  The supporting and sheltering relationships radiate outward from that point.  It is in this way that we work together to ensure a child’s success as a learner, a parent’s sense of connection to the process, a teacher’s sense of validation and a school’s sense of purpose.

A Montessori learning community strives to be equitable and just and to identify approaches to understand and celebrate the richness of our human experience; to integrate global perspectives into curriculum; to create opportunities for each voice and opinion to be heard; to emphasize mutual respect and understanding as an integral part of our learning and growth; and to accept and include others.

This commitment to diversity and its actualization is central to both Montessori education and the Montessori aspiration that each of us in our own ways become responsible,caring and involved participants in the larger world.

Children are respected as individuals and cherished as part of the community. Children are encouraged to be independent, self-motivated, and responsible as they find out who they are and learn about what they want to be in balance with a sensitivity and awareness of others' needs.

From the earliest stages, children experience and internalize the Montessori philosophy of grace, courtesy, respect, and openness in their interactions. As they learn and grow, they are asked to think about who they are within a community. They are asked to use and expand critical thinking and problem-solving skills as fundamental components of participating in community which extend well beyond the world of the classroom.  They are asked to actively demonstrate compassion and empathy, as well as a sense of peace and justice in their world and beyond -  diversity,naturally.