Not Only….But Also

To generate something new while living with the status quo can feel like an irreconcilable approach to forward momentum.  It is hard to think of a situation or life scenario that remains the way it was and does not evolve in some capacity – intentional or otherwise.  The synergy of what is and what will be gives real perspective to the concept Both/And.   Both/And invites us to clarify core values, seek building  ground and creative problem-solving by being curious and open to new forms of constructive interaction.  Both/And suggests that what was and what will be each hold value and that only by combining the best of each can we invent the hybrid solutions that enable us to attain our best.  Not… only but… also.

Nonetheless, it is challenging to prevent our old habits and patterns (the way we have always done things) from impeding forward momentum.  Despite our awareness that our preceding ways of approaching things are not yielding the results we seek, we nostalgically embrace our personal patterns with a sense of resignation that approximates fatalism.  It is in this way that our habits - left unexamined -might derail our energy for beginning anew.

Awareness of this natural phenomenon helps lead us to reflect, which in turn can slowly bring us insight and creative inspiration. In this way, we are able to identify fixed repetitive patterns and connect with a healthy desire to try something different. We may, of course, falter and experience a few setbacks in moving forward in a new way, but slowly we can adjust, strengthen our resolve and change.

Autobiography In Five Chapters

Portia Nelson

Chapter I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost... I am hopeless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I'm in the same place.

But it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in... it's a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

The Balance of Things

In my experience, values shift in their order of priority as we traverse the different stages of our life’s journey.  When I was an adolescent, my friends, school, freedom and independence were very present to me among my top values. Now as a happily married person with children, I find the quality of my relationships, marriage and children have emerged as important values for me. At the same time, I have come to understand that my life really is the aggregate of what I think about, care about, and spend my time on every day.

My values transition in response to and reflection of the circumstances I am encountering. For example, when I am not feeling physically well, and need to accommodate my wellness with changes in my daily behavior, I value my health more. Or if my work life is demanding, I might find that I value being versus doing more.
I appreciate that when my goals and values are not aligned I experience greater stress and mixed emotions. These life moments cause inner conflicts, a feeling of tiredness and can influence my ability to make good choices. Yet, when my goals and values are in line, supporting each other, their symbiotic potential is generative, inspiring positive energy and emotions. For me, this simplifies and clarifies life and career by highlighting the interconnectedness of clear values and inspiration in my daily life and work ethic.

Inspiration stimulates the mind and emotions to a high level of feeling or activity. It comes from the Latin, inspirare which means “To breathe, to blow into …the Spirit is within.” This nurtures our skills, knowledge and attitudes – our ongoing personal development. When you notice that you’re growing as a person, you feel more of a sense of hope – feeling, thinking and acting with energy, drive, perseverance and calm expectancy of positive outcomes that will be meaningful for you because it evolved out of knowing what you value most.

Big Rocks, anonymous

An expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz" and he pulled out a one-gallon mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. He also produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full? "Everyone in the class yelled, "Yes. "The time management expert replied, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. He then asked the group once more, "Is the jar full? "By this time the class was on to him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?" "No!" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good." Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration? "One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!" "No," the speaker replied, that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all. What are the 'big rocks' in your life -- time with your loved ones, your faith, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all."

So, when you are reflecting on this story, ask yourself this question:

 What are the 'big rocks' in my life? Then, put those in your jar first. "

Transparency and Trust during Transition

To develop purpose and direction school leadership and governance needs to ensure that each of the school’s constituencies has a sense of connection to the organization and its vision.  This is never more important than during times of organizational change and transition. To stimulate this vital bond between a school’s constituencies and sustain its momentum requires a careful cultivation of the right climate - a culture of trust and transparency. This culture of trust is cultivated with simple but very intentional tools like direct and open dialogue, interactive social networking platforms, surveys with live results available to all, or appropriate, open information access.

This is deeply important to faculty and staff who need to know and to experience that they hold immense value in the organization. A faculty must know that trust is immutable.  The culture of a school is simply the 'way individuals, administrators and teams act' on a daily basis aggregated on a macro level. Parents and students take their cue from our process. Meaning flows out of a strong sense of connection and boundaries operate effectively when there is a shared sense of purpose and direction. Trust needs to be a cornerstone value that informs these actions and behaviors. Certainly, the most uncomplicated way to generate trust is to provide transparency.

Transparency is the best way to operate in a world that feels entitled to open communication as a primary channel that we can trust.  In a global scene of constantly changing landscape, the best way for schools to succeed is by trusting in each other's abilities, actions and intentions. Research suggests that meaningful components of trust include; competence, integrity, and goodwill, and relevant components of transparency are; participation, substantial information, and accountability. Transparency and trust are highly correlated, and so, as we become more transparent we will also strengthen trust for all of our stakeholders.  This begins with administrators and faculty where our collective participation leads to sharing information that is useful and substantial, and holds us mutually accountable – this really informs school transparency.

Trust and transparency are vital during times of change and transition. Change requires the active cooperation of school constituents who need to connect to a sense of urgency to feel motivated to engage with the new direction. Administrators and faculty work closely with the head of school to create a guiding presence in the school.  They in turn take their purpose from the board vision for the school.  School change requires a credible vision to prevent confusing and incompatible actions that take the school in competing or opposing directions or worse, nowhere at all.

Transparency around the vision helps us all engage meaningfully with short-term sacrifices around our status quo which are systematically planned and create achievable outcomes and inherent rewards for all of us.  These small win-wins for the school strengthen us and enable us to use that experience to take on larger challenges with greater creativity and purpose. These new behaviors are embedded in social norms and shared values that inform ongoing transitions.  Even successful change is confusing and complex and offers surprises.  Just as a relatively straightforward and clear vision can guide people through a major change, so can a lucid vision of change as a process minimize the margin of error and in turn inform successful forward momentum.

Inclusivity

As head of school, I want the members of the school community to have a corresponding awareness of the sociocultural climate of the school and the environment itself as a place where diversity, inclusivity, and social justice are emphasized and where any ensuing or resulting challenges are met with an open and exploratory dialogue as the best conduit for meaningful next steps. We provide the groundwork for these conversations by engaging with each other in a continuous discourse around diversity, inclusivity, and community from manifold points of view. By sharing and exploring our personal perspectives on these matters, we hope to inspire each other to discern the lenses through which we view the world and assume responsibility for forwarding the inclusivity of our community.

I see Montessori community as inclusive - an affirmation of human differences and the real connection, communication, creation, healing and love that come from living in such an intentionally prepared environment. Montessori community promotes as an attitude and as a practice the suspension of judgment, of preconceived expectations and of urges to ‘fix’ one another. At its best, Montessori community truly and honestly invites us to engage in being who we genuinely are while honoring others as they do the same.

For me as a school leader, this approach to inclusivity suggests that we ever aim to accept and embrace each other, revering our individuality while learning to move beyond our differences. It beckons us to coalesce around a myriad of perspectives to better understand the greater good and to exercise compassion and respect. We self-examine to be conscious of and attentive to the relationship between our internal and external realities. We give each other permission to share our vulnerability.  We learn how to make peace with each other and welcome that process. We receive each other – gifts in tandem with limitations - we strive together. We are obliged to each other and commended to one another through mutual dedication to furthering the spirit of Montessori community – a spirit of truth, amity, peace, acceptance and growth.

"If it is so channeled, life in community may touch upon something perhaps even deeper than joy... what repeatedly draws me into community is something more. When I am with a group of human beings committed to hanging in there through both the agony and the joy of community, I have a dim sense that I am participating in a phenomenon for which there is only one word. I almost hesitate to use it. The word is "glory”.   Scott Peck

Montessori & Me

As a school leader, I spend a certain amount of time reflecting on my work, my relationship with myself and others.  Of late this has included thinking about my connection to Montessori and progressive education, which in turn requires thinking broadly and deeply about my own inventive and creative abilities.  I recall vividly my first role as a Montessori school head and my ensuing conversations with the school community that had selected me.  I became increasingly appreciative of the dual responsibilities of a major administrator – the doing (involving whatever skills I might bring to the position) and the “visioning” (being a furtherer of Montessori education and values).

My journey into Montessori began by opting to enroll in Montessori administrator training through which I was able to identify what I would need to approach my role thoughtfully and well.  I learned that I would need to examine my own habitual thinking in order to be sensitive to parents and faculty and – with teachers especially – their proclivity for invention and creativity.  In short, I would need to bring change about within myself – a complex challenge that faces each of us if we are to grow meaningfully in life.  I contacted a Montessori trainer, Alice Renton, to meet with me once a month for the three years I served in my role; I wanted to benefit from her experience (over 40 years) in Montessori environments and her sense of my potential in addressing the challenges that inherently arise in such schools.  For me, that decision was a life-altering and -affirming choice that has profoundly informed my way of being as an educator and leader, especially when coupled with the experience of becoming a Montessori parent, a significant piece of my growth in understanding Montessori.

Over time, I audited primary and elementary teacher training sessions, observed as much as I could and endeavored to take the time to listen respectfully, remembering that my most important task was – and is – cultivating relationships.  Throughout this process I have tried to become a person who sees strengths instead of deficits, and I have struggled to see my own limitations – as I perceive them – as potential strengths.  I have emerged more aware that I do not know all the answers and more willing to embrace curiosity about how to arrive at answers.  So, for me, Montessori invited me to practice being with a different spirit, a spirit that seeks a balance between my own efforts to be proactive and the act of receiving wisdom.  Along the way, I am striving to attain a deeper sense of how the process of giving up opens new possibilities; a clearer perception of the ways that educators want to be appreciated for their commitment, respected for their patience, and acknowledged for their understanding; and a real connection to learning as a natural process that takes time and that should not be rushed – a thoughtful and intentional ‘walk to somewhere’.

The Chrysalis-A Butterfly Story

A man found the cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared .He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress .It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no further So the man decided to help the butterfly .He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings .It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.  To go through our life without any obstacles would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. And we might never fly.