You Don’t Have to Get on the Bus

A few years back I was a department chair in an independent day school in Maryland, and my son was a junior at the school, busy meeting the social and academic challenges of his education with the tentativeness and reluctance of an evolving adolescent.  In the spring a young, new administrator, Ms. K, hatched the idea that the whole student body should do a ropes course adventure for a day.  The idea was not a popular one with students but was implemented as a team building mechanism nonetheless.  My son, Justin and I had completed an outward bound course four years earlier, and he did not hold fond memories of the ropes course and was confident that facing these challenges with the whole school would be dreadful.

As the date of the event approached, his anxiety about participating grew incrementally.  We discussed it, and I recommended that he speak with his advisor about his feelings and reactions.  He did speak to his advisor, and she was compassionate and clear with him that under similar circumstances in the past at the school, students who were unable to participate for any reason stayed on campus and completed a community service project.  She and he figured out what service he might perform and devised a plan.  He came home happy to work with the school to resolve this and relieved to be heard.

The next night when I returned from a meeting, Justin was agitated and revealed to me that his advisor had returned to him to share that the administrator, Ms. K, had made it clear that he would not be permitted to stay on campus and perform a community service but rather would be required to participate.  He was angry and shared further that his advisor indicated that she was sorry that her counsel was of no merit under the circumstances. 

We sat and talked – mostly he talked and I listened, trying to identify how I might help him feel empowered to manage the moment.  We probed lots of possible ways to go and champion others, but not to participate etc., none of which seemed plausible. At last, as it got to be quite late at night, I said to him, “if this is so important to you and you are clear that you do not, cannot and will not voluntarily participate, then you need to know that the school cannot force you to get on the bus’’  he replied “what are you saying?” I said “they cannot make you get on the bus - just say no”.  We sat in silence as he took that information in and visibly calmed down.

The next morning, he went to school early and waited at the headmaster’s office to share with him that he was a conscientious objector to the field trip and would refuse to go and rather than create a scene at the bus site he wanted to let the head know directly.  The head and he talked for a time, and he was sent home and asked to write a perspective piece on his reasons for not participating.  The ramifications of the refusal to participate came with other consequences as well, most notably having to engage in a long series of conversations with Ms. K, whose reaction to the event took on a personal air and she pursued the issue as a matter of discipline rather than of a moment of learning and empowerment.

What he did not know and could not know is that kids all over school were having their parents call them out of school “sick” so that they would not have to participate.  Word spread quickly that Justin had presented himself to the head and had accepted, as it were, the consequence for his choice.  This moment marked a moment of real student respect for Justin from students who admired him for facing the issue and taking the consequences, and those who thought it was brave, and even those who suggested he just should have called out sick.

Later that spring, Justin decided to run for school president with a campaign based on student voice and empowerment.  He was elected president and shared his leadership platform openly with his vice president and secretary, modeling a collaborative leadership process.

To this day, we recall this moment in his young life and speak about it from time to time.  It was an important episode in our relationship as parent and child, and I like to believe it was a risky, but worthwhile example of following the child.  But even now as I listen to him I wonder if I would have been a better mom if I had invested my energies in helping him figure out how to get on the bus.  I am heartened by the fact, however, that throughout his early adult life, Justin has, metaphorically speaking, identified plenty of other buses he has wanted to get on and has developed the skills to respectfully, but firmly, refuse getting on the bus when his conscience dictates.  In other words, he has consistently been able to choose his own path.

Artful Learning

A quality arts program imparts a critical set of intellectual habits and skills that are unique and supportive of other areas of the curriculum. They are critical because they are connected and crucial to a student’s continual intellectual and personal development.

“It is well established that intelligence and thinking ability are far more complex than what we choose to measure on standardized tests…. They reveal little about a student’s intellectual depth or desire to learn, and are poor predictors of eventual success and satisfaction in life.”

The skills taught in arts classes offer “a remarkable array of mental habits not emphasized elsewhere in school.” These skills include visual-spatial abilities, reflection, self-criticism, and the willingness to experiment and learn from mistakes.

We need the arts in school to introduce students to aesthetic appreciation, and teach other modes of thinking we value. These habits and skills taught and developed in the arts incorporate:

• Developing artistic craft – acquiring the specific skills of diverse art forms.

• Persistence – persevering through the frustration of prolonged and evolving work.

• Expression – moving beyond technical skill to create works that express emotion, atmosphere, and one’s own vision and voice.

• Making connections – finding links between the classroom and the real world past and present.

• Observing – looking more carefully and objectively at the world and letting go of preconceptions.

• Envisioning – forming mental images and using them to guide actions and solve problems.

• Innovating through exploration – experimenting and taking risks, to see what can be learned.

• Reflective self-evaluation – nonverbal and verbal thinking through reflective self-evaluation, distancing, analyzing, judging, and re-conceiving works.
*Hetland Massachusetts College of Art

As I prepare to experience students' creations through an approaching celebration of the arts event, I savor the many ways I observe these skills burgeoning in students’ artistic performances and endeavors.

Continuing the Journey

An integral part of my journey in schools has been the people who come into my story and touch me, teaching me about myself and about the journey.  Those same people inevitably must depart my story at some point, heading in their own directions while I go in mine.  At times, the parting of ways was with particular students with whom I had formed a lasting connection.  Other times, it was an adult who had played a formative role in my own professional life and whose departure required me to move ahead independent of the vital connection we had shared.

Life is for sure a journey which for most of us unfolds on a continuum.  At one end is the planning and managing of life’s details; at the other, is our need to respond proactively to life’s stresses and changes or to these things that “happen” to us.  Resilience is an important part of this journey which could be likened to taking a raft trip down a river.

On a river, you encounter rapids, turns, slow water, and shallows. As in life, the changes you experience affect you differently along the way. In journeying the river, it helps if you have knowledge about it and use past experience in dealing with it. Perseverance and trust in your ability to work your way around boulders and other obstacles are important. You can gain courage and insight by successfully navigating your way through white waters.  Better still if you have some trusted companions to take the journey with you.  It can be especially helpful for dealing with rapids, upstream currents, and other difficult stretches of the journey.

Adapting well in the face of adversity, tragedy, challenges, or even significant sources of stress in the workplace and financial stress teaches us to "bounce back" from difficult experiences. Most of us commonly demonstrate resilience despite our difficulty or distress. A combination of factors contributes to our ability to be resilient.  Caring and supportive relationships that create love and trust, stories of how others have endured, and offer encouragement and reassurance help to bolster us.

As I watch students and teachers enter times of transition and change, I notice that those who maintain a positive outlook and adjust with ease all seem to have personal strategies that allow them to: make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out; maintain flexibility and balance in life and deal with circumstances.

I have come to understand on my continuing journey that I can embrace change if I:

Let myself experience strong emotions, and yet recognize when I may need to avoid experiencing them to continue functioning

Step forward and take action to deal with problems and meet the demands of daily living, and also step back to rest and reenergize myself

Spend time with loved ones to gain support and encouragement, and also nurture myself

Rely on others, and also rely on myself

A Boy and A Pink Pen

 

As a foreign language educator, I taught many students over the years.  This particular boy was a freshman at a Day School on the eastern shore of Maryland.  His parents were farmers and sent him to the Day School to provide him good footing in life.  Mike arrived in Spanish I a disorganized, diffident and seemingly uncaring learner.  I quickly learned that his academic commitment and engagement was similar in all of his classes.

One day toward the end of year as we were in review and preparing for our final exam, Mike arrived  yet again unprepared for participating in class, let alone a review of the spring term. As I handed him a pen for the umpteenth time I was inspired to reach for my pink pen (as an aside I am known even to this day for colorful pens).  As I handed the pen to him I suddenly decided to try something different and said “I am going to give you my much-beloved pink pen.  Take care of it.  In fact, if you commit to bringing this pen with you to class every day until our exam, I will give you some additional credit.”  He sized me up:  “Is she serious?  Do I have to carry a pink pen?  What’s going on?”  I went a step farther and added that if he succeeded in this arrangement the whole class would have a treat from me. It was a casual exchange and a half-hearted attempt on my part for sure.

Mike showed up the next day with the pen and was pleased to flash it in my direction.  Day after day for the next week, Mike and the pen dutifully appeared in class.  But holding on to the pen wasn’t the only change for him.  He actually began engaging with the review and he passed the exam, not with flying colors, but he passed.  The whole class received an ice cream and enjoyed a playful moment together courtesy of Mike.  Before leaving campus that spring Mike asked me to be his academic advisor. Hmmm.

I would like to tell you that Mike is now a rocket scientist.  He is not.  I would like to tell you that I inspired him to do and be great things.  I did not.  But I proudly share the gift of working with this young man who allowed me to be present with him on his journey, who accepted me as a companion and ally as he met his life challenges. He did finish high school well, he did go to college, he did learn to appreciate what his parents wanted to give him and what he wanted to return to them.  I’m not sure if he still has the pink pen.

This is not an inspirational “Stand and Deliver” story, nor the story of how a teacher unlocked genius in a learner, supporting him from underdog to conquering hero. So, this is really the quiet unassuming tale of a boy and a pink pen, a little thing that became a tool for him to be himself, to confront his obstacles, and to move his mountains. It is part of my story too as a teacher, who had the privilege of sharing in that joy and who gave up a pen, but earned an advisor and a meaningful life experience.