I grew up with a parent who survived polio but lost the use of her left arm entirely. I watched her struggle to let herself be helped. As I grew older, I recognized through my own awareness as a parent, how difficult it is when you are the one who helps - the one who cares for others - to be unable to say what is too much or too little help, to keep silent and accept what is given. Sometimes, you have to practice being generous and accept kindness from another. I have come to appreciate how much generosity it takes to let people in that way. How freeing it can be to surrender to one’s own vulnerability. To be cared for by others - to yield to kindness - is not easy.
Ironically, in life, the opposite is true—when we accept help we are showing we are strong enough to overcome our sense of separateness and embrace interconnectedness. When we truly realize that we are all connected, then we understand that to receive help is to give each person involved a chance to practice kindness. “When the right hand is hurt, the left hand holds it in compassion to ease the suffering of its brother/sister hand.” The right hand helps because it is interconnected with the left hand through the whole of the body.
So it is, when we understand our inter-being we know that to accept help is indeed helping ourselves. Thus, when we do refuse help out of not wanting to inconvenience others we are actually rejecting ourselves. And of course the opposite as well, when we help others we are helping ourselves. But, I am still learning.
