The other day I was spending time with my grandson per our usual family routine. In these moments we often talk about how kindergarten is going and his new friends. This particular time, we began exploring how we know if someone is a friend. We decided that a friend likes to spend time together and likes to play cooperatively. Together, we acknowledged that sometimes it can be hard to figure out and that it is good to play with everybody and see how friendship grows.
The exchange reminded me of a piece I read about a conversation with a four or five year old about how you know if somebody loves you. People can say that they care for you but how do you really know? Apparently, this child mulled that over and revealed that he could tell that he was loved by someone from the way they said his name. When asked to say more about what he meant. He said there is a feeling he gets when someone who loves him speaks his name that he just feels inside. He described it as a feeling of warmth. Then he paused and added that when someone who loves you says your name out loud your name is safe in their mouth.
I have to confess that I was awed by that notion. My thoughts as an educator have returned to our conversation more than a few times as I weigh community building in schools. For children to be able to trust in their community is not a small thing – it is a deep and important thing. I believe most of us as adults recognize that when this is not present in community, one might hesitate before venturing somewhere one needs to go, accomplish less than one is destined to create. ‘We do our learning and our business at the speed of our … distrust.’
I hope that students who interact with me feel at all times comfortable in my presence and that their name is ‘safe in my mouth’.
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